| At war with the mystics
The new flaming
lips album makes me very happy. Aside from being more guitarey (spell
check? Eat me), it also has Wayne Coyne saying "mother fucker" during
"the W.A.N.D." Well written and songs like "the yeah yeah yeah song"
will make you chuckle. Chuckling is good. I find it to be a good blend
of Yoshimi battles the pink robots and The Soft Bulletin. It's as if
those two albums had funky awkward sex and then produced this album
after a good ol' fashioned shotgun wedding. Fuck yeah.
Gothy bastard
So it has come to my
attention that there are very few black people in Tim Burton movies.
It's kinda creepy. I understand that he wants in fucking everything he
does. Shit I am pretty sure that Tim Burton asked Johnny Depp to fuck
his wife on their wedding day. Anyway, still no black people in Tim
Burton films. Except for Batman. But even then it wasn't THAT big of a
role. And god help you if you bring up Mars Attacks. Look through his
films. There's maybe ONE black guy in the background somewhere. It's
kind of disturbing.
On cursing
Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, gather around. Are you close enough to read this? Good.
Fuck.
Ass.
Shit.
Are
you shocked and appalled? Have the heavens begun to rain down fire? Is
black turning into white? Has reality failed you? No. Then why the fuck
are there so many people against cursing? Why the crusade to save the
minds of the youth? If your kid doesn't learn to curse like sailor by
the third grade he has no chance of surviving middle school. Your child
will be picked on, beat up, made fun of many times the parents will be
the main point of the verbal assaults. You're sending your kids into
Vietnam when you send them to junior high. And if you have shielded
them against blasphemies then they will be the fat guy from platoon.
You remember that guy? He dies within 15 minutes. That's your kid. So
teach them. Teach them well. Explain when it is appropriate to curse;
Concerts, sports, work. When it is NOT appropriate; church, funerals,
spelling bees. Show them how to use the words correctly; E.g.; Instead
of "shut up" use "Shut your fucking face". So fucking grow a pair and
get used to hearing your kids say "Dad where's the fucking remote?"
In
fact get used to hearing that from anyone. This goes for you religious
types. Do not ask me to stop swearing because it "offends you" as that
will only make me rain down the verbal thunder. Do not use
substitutions such as "dang" and "fudge" as they only serve to make you
sound like an even bigger douche bag. That's life mother fuckers. And I
have no intention of helping you get through it without a few scars.
Fuck Sleep
While I may not actually be
intent on staying awake for much longer it appears that the rest of my
body has not received this message. The memo was lost somewhere between
10 PM and Midnight. Were my body a standard financial institution some
poor nameless temp would be getting yelled at for not \forwarding this
memo. That temp is my mind.
Young revolutionaries.
The movie "V for
Vendetta" opened this weekend. Stop right there, this is not a movie
review. If anything I will say the movie was very well done and was
worth the staggering ticket price. The true topic of this segment is
this. How many angsty young teenagers and stoned college kids will
actually interpret this movie as a call to arms? True, the Big Brother
ideal is spreading through oh so many minds like some sort of weird
funky mind brainy disease (Mind-clap), but this does not mean that we
have gotten to the point where we need a "revolution". Many would argue
that we need to stop it before it begins. These people are in fact
stoned off their asses and are most likely conversing with some sort of
interstellar being which is in fact a cactus of some sort. While it is
one thing to show your concern for the nation by voicing it in many
colorful ways, it is another thing to completely mis-interpret a film
and see it as some sort of hidden agenda for the young heroes of
America. So put down your copy of the communist manifesto kids. Don't
buy that version of "The Prince". Stop trying to read even deeper into
1984. Turn off that pirated version of "Brazil" and don't get any
stupid ideas from a comic book turned movie. You'll know when we need
"a hero of the people". And right now, just isn't it.
Why I work in retail
It sure as fuck
isn't for the co-workers. It's not so much the customers either. It's
for the experience. (Not work experience mind you). I'm not there to
brighten anyone's day. I don't wake up in the morning, brush my teeth
and then look in the mirror and say to myself "Let's go help some
people" No, I look in the mirror and pray I
don't kill the first fucker that asks me for a vinegar. When I'm
there at work putting away shit in a futile effort to try to make the
store look presentable and more importantly not get me bitched at by
any of my many bosses, I don't look around for people who seem as they
are in need of assistance. No, I look for people that I know if left
alone will destroy the entire store and more importantly my patience
looking for a book that may very well have been written on a stone
tablet in a cave somewhere and they simply want to browse through it.
In the breakroom I am not there to cheer my co-workers on and keep them
going. If anything we keep each other sane enough to not butcher the
next customer that wants to pay for a pack of mints with a check.
That's about it. While I do enjoy the company of a select few, the rest
I could give or take. And by "give" I mean a swift kick in the throat
and by "Take" I of course mean their fucking souls. I don't go home
with a feeling of satisfaction for having helped someone find their mindless object of obesety. I go home with a general distaste for the entire human popullace.
Yet the next day I come back at the assfuck of the day to put away groceries that will soon be on the floor or hidden amongst the shelves of dispare. If there is one redeeming quality about working at Kroger it's that I have stuff to write about. I have things I can
recall and laugh about when I'm having a drink with my friends.
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